Thursday, July 18, 2013

Good habbits

Lately I've been trying to set some good habits. The past few months I've been in such a terrible funk that I haven't felt like myself.

I've felt:
And just down right... yuck.

Zero motivation. Zero... umph!! I had none. Zip. Nada!! I wasn't up for anything. I would go to work. Come home. Sit. Watch The Office. Go to sleep. Repeat.

I was stuck in such a rut I never thought I'd get out. I'd almost given up... I didn't care about almost anything. I didn't feel the 'typical' symptoms of depression but I know it was some form of it.

Perhaps it was this horrid Merced heat?? Sure... we'll blame that. I swear... the heat turns me into a grumpy mess of sweat.

Lately I've been feeling like this weight has been lifting. I really need to pray about it more... Pray that God can cleanse me of this horrid feeling!! I know he can and I know that he will. I almost feel like myself again!! I've been going on walks with my mom in the evening. It's given me just enough of a boost that has kick started something inside me.

I needed to do SOMETHING as far as exercise goes. I was getting close to none. Ah ha!! That's my problem!! I've been living like a bump on a log for a while now and it's catching up to me. I know I can't live my life like that. I need to exercise. I need to get over my fear of the gym. I NEED to get my butt in gear. I can't live the rest of my life like this.

I kind of think I've become comfortable like this. I've become acustomed to being invisible. Do I not want to be noticed? I guess in a way I do but I don't. I don't want people to notice me and I just sort of float on by. I go about my business as they go on about theirs.

I pray this burst of energy sticks around. I pray I push past these walls I've thrown up and not live in fear. I pray. I pray. I pray.

I need to pray more. I need to delve deeper into the word. I'm going to. These are just a couple of my doable goals. All goals are doable if you want them bad enough.

And right now... I want them. Bad. :)

xo J

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