Why is it SO difficult for me to scrounge up a little bit of motivation?? I WANT to get out and work out more. Loose the weight that I desperately NEED to loose!! I WANT to feel good about myself and not feel like I need to hide myself from the world because I can't stand being out around people. Seems like I'll get completely fired up about getting on track... but in a couple of weeks (if that) the flame will eventually fizzle out. Why?!?!? This is something I've tried doing over and over... with little to no result. My eating has gotten a lot better. I don't go out and try to get the biggest and most filling meal. I'll keep it limited to something light instead of eating as if it's my last meal. It's just getting ridiculous and it needs to change. ASAP. I don't want to get to the point where I'm confined to my house and only leave for work. That's NOT the life I want to live. Lately, I have become a homebody because... well I don't really know why. Mostly because I'm over the whole 'going out and drinking for all hours of the day and night'. Since I quit smoking, I don't want to drink anymore. Sure I'll have a few glasses of wine but that's really it. I'm no where near what I use to be. A year ago, exactly, I was celebrating my birthday and oh my... it was c-r-a-z-y. I'm surprised we all made it through the night... but I don't want to be like that anymore. I did things I regret and someone could have gotten really hurt... But back to the whole homebody thing. I've really enjoyed spending time with my mom at home. For the most part my dad and my brother just hold up in their rooms while my mom just hangs out by herself in the living room. Looking back I realized that our relationship was rocky and I wanted to fix that. Seemed like we were ALWAYS fighting but I realized that it was because I was very much on edge because of personal problems (finances and a horrible relationship) and she was the one I could take it all out on. I now see my error and feel horrible about it. She's been the only one that's ALWAYS been there for me and has been my very best friend through it all. I hated that I isolated myself during that relationship and never made time for her... or when I did make time... it was ALWAYS limited.
Never again will I be in a relationship that takes me away from my family. If that means I'll remain single forever... then that's fine. I don't want someone that I feel that I have to be around 24/7 because I don't trust them. Ugh... anyways... Lol. I got off topic.
I'm just going to have to push myself harder because I'm the only one that's going to. No one else is going to to this form me. I need to get over my 'fear' or whatever it is that is holding me back. So... we'll see :) I'm going to pray about it and let God guide me.